It has arrived......

The day, The time, The emotion, The sadness... that I have been dreading for 2 weeks now has arrived. My emotions have caught up with me and they are difficult and hard to explain. I knew it would be hard but I didn't really think it would be like this. After all, my family and I knew this day would come, we had prepared ourselves..... but wow, it's tough.

I would like to preface this blog with the following, I am happy that Mom has gone on to be with the Lord. She suffered for so long and her quality of life dramatically decreased within the past 3-4 years. I was happy to know that my Mom who struggled w/ pain for soooooo long was finally at peace as I had prayed for many years. I am not sad or crying for her, EVER, no it is just me being my selfish self, missing her.

With that said, she was still my Mom.... the woman who birthed me, fed me, changed my diapers, bathed me, held me, smiled at me, wiped away my tears, listened with excitement to my first words, worried as I took my first steps, encouraged me, tucked me in, prayed for me, guided me, taught me, hugged me, had tea with me, laughed with me, held me, cheered for me, held my hand as I brought her first Grandchild into the world and always loved me no matter what.

I was there along with my Dad and Sister in her last few days, few hours and few seconds of life. She passed away around 5:45 am on Monday, May 26th, but not until us three where no longer hovering over her, worrying for her and watching her, no, she waited until the 1 hour when all 3 of us fell asleep to go, that was the kind of Woman she was, she did not like anyone worrying over her.

She NEVER complained about her sicknesses/surgeries/pain.. nothing. She was a strong willed woman with a fighter inside... she had the Lord on her side and she knew it was all part of his plan and she accepted it. Sure she questioned it, any of us would, after all we are all human.

Finally she is done with that body that gave her so much trouble, done with the pain meds, done with not being able to eat a full meal without feeling sick, done with the oxygen, done with doctors appointments, done with being tired, done with it all!! Praise God!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good advice -- props John Mayer

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems
Better put them in quotations
Say what you need to say

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you’d be better off instead
If you could only, Say what you need to say

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end
It’s better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
Say what you need to say